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My Funniest Beauty Fails and What I Learned from Them

by Kate Beard |

I have always been obsessed with natural beauty. When I was a little girl, as my friends were taking love quizzes in fashion magazines, I was obsessing over the hacks that top models used on their hair and skin.

I drove my mother insane with my experiments. Clogging the sink when I tried a banana mask. Spilling oatmeal everywhere when I tried to make an oatmeal scrub. Using the avocado she had bought for lunch to make a hair mask.

I have tried just about all of them - and still love to experiment!

So I thought today I might take you on a little walk through memory lane of my most disastrous beauty fails.

Get ready for a giggle or 2, here we go!!

Mayonnaise on my hair

One Christmas, just as I had come home from college for the break, I noticed that my hair was just so dry and brittle. Self care was not a huge priority during busy college exams and I couldn’t afford high quality products. And I think it’s safe to say, it showed.

On the plane ride home I read an article about how Cindy Crawford, or was it Elle MacPherson (does it really matter?) used a mayonnaise hair mask to perk up dry hair.

The essence is that the mayonnaise - which is made of egg yolks and vegetable oil, both of which are incredibly hydrating and fortifying - will revive your hair.

It made sense and to this day I think it is a really valid hair treatment. By using mayonnaise you are coating your hair with incredible nutrients without the alcohol or other drying elements that are typically found in store bought hair care.

So, once I got home, and during that first heavenly shower, I decided to coat my hair in mayonnaise. I decided that since I was looking rough, it’d be best to leave the mask on for a day and then wash out before going to Christmas mass the next evening.

You can imagine the STINK! Oh my gosh it was so disgusting. My room smelled so badly for my entire vacation. But I was willing to suffer to revive my hair and test this magical hair mask.

So, at this point it’s time to get ready for Christmas Eve Mass, a family tradition that was unthinkable to miss.

I took my shower and washed my hair, imagining the gorgeous hair that was certainly waiting for me. As I was getting ready I didn’t see my hair turning into the luscious supermodel locks that I’d imagined.

They were just limp and mousy. As I continued drying it, the gravity of the situation became clear. I hadn’t washed the mayonnaise off!!!

My hair was still greasy and full of mayonnaise, and I had to be in church in 15 minutes, my family was not going to wait for me because of vanity.

And so, I tried to work it into a chignon but it was so greasy it just fell right out. I ended up having to just wear it long and hope to all that was holy that the smell wasn’t as bad as it had seemed.

I had fooled nobody. After mass my darling baby sister asked me why my hair was so yucky and why it smelled so badly. Cool....

Moral of my disaster - while many easy solutions may seem easy, it is only with trial and error that you find the best way to actually execute the simple ‘hack’.

It was only AFTER my mortifying hair mayo disaster that I learned that I needed to wash my hair twice.

Much like my line of Clean Beauty Swiss scrubs. When I decided that I wanted to create my line to share with other busy moms like me, it took me years to develop just the right combination of ingredients. I wanted to maintain the pamper factor without sacrificing purity. I spent hours researching ways to preserve my scrubs without actually having to add chemical preservatives, even if they were accepted in the ‘clean beauty’ sector.

You probably could create a similar scrub to the ones I offer. But I have done all of the work for you - with results after the first use. No need to measure, mix, clean up. I have found the perfect blend of ingredients to pamper and nourish your skin every time you take a shower.

 

Anti-cellulite cream got me stuck in the bathroom

I was about to be married. We had planned a beach honeymoon in Bali. I wanted to be perfect. I had been working out every day in preparation for my wedding and for my bikini.

But for some reason, the more I worked out, the more cellulite I noticed. Side note: as per usual, now looking back I’d kill to have legs like that now but I certainly did not appreciate them at the time.

So, given that I was working out and eating right, I decided to invest in an expensive cellulite cream from the pharmacy. Now, at the time of this little experiment, I was working full time at my spa in Milan as a massage therapist. I had spent 8-10 hours a day performing vigorous anticellulite massages so the idea of massaging this magical cream did not intimidate me in the least.

So, after purchasing the cream that had the proper dosage in a little sample size packet, I arrogantly thought this would be easy peasy lemon squeezy. Massage a packet into thighs and butt morning and light for 2 weeks. 

No problem.

That evening after my shower I could not wait to get started. I carefully squirted the cream into my hands and started on my right thigh. The cream seemed a bit thick and heavy but I had faith. After all, this was from the number 1 anti cellulite cream in Italy and had millions of reviews.

Well, my faith quickly turned into desperation. This thick cream did not want to penetrate my skin. It just sat on top as if I’d decided to moisturize with toothpaste! I kept massaging and massaging but that damned cream was not going anywhere.

It took me 20 minutes of vigorous anti-cellulite massage to get it to absorb into my leg… and I still had to do the other leg. What the actual f***?

I was stuck in my bathroom for over 45 minutes applying this cream. And I was supposed to do this every morning and evening for 2 weeks.

Well, you can imagine how the story ended. I was able to commit to applying it for 4 days and then for whatever reason I skipped the evening and then periodically applied it. I was so disappointed in myself and blamed myself for not seeing results.

Moral of the disaster - this was my first very clear proof that the beauty industry preys on women. They offer us solutions to problems created by the media, social media and tell us we have too much cellulite, too many wrinkles, too much this not enough that. Then they sell us products to ‘solve’ that problem. Oftentimes the instructions for using these products are insane, like massaging your skin to make the cream absorb for 45 minutes. Side note, I could have applied olive oil to my skin, a 45 minute anti-cellulite massage twice a day would have had the same effect. You see, it wasn’t the magical cream but rather the massage that would have made the difference.

My point is this, the beauty industry knows and counts on the fact that we are ready to take the blame. A product doesn't work because WE didn’t use it consistently, we didn’t follow the directions, and on and on.

I am here to tell you, it’s not YOU, it’s the product. It is important to find products that make you feel wonderful, that make you feel better. If they don’t fit into your lifestyle, they are not for you. End of story.

In addition, I learned that anti-cellulite creams and such are rarely a good idea. They are frequently full of toxic ingredients - the one I tried is known to cause problems with the thyroid for example.

I have learned instead about how effective coffee scrubs are. Simply the act of using a hydrating scrub, like my Coffee Ginger or Coffee Chili Pepper scrubs will help to break up fat deposits under the skin and drain water retention.

In addition, the caffeine will help to eliminate cellulite by bringing oxygen rich blood flow to the area which helps to reduce cellulite and even help to erase stretch marks. The all natural alternative to fighting cellulite that takes only 1 minute to apply and rinse. 

Dying my hair while drinking wine and watching the Academy Awards with my bestie

Years ago, after finishing university and starting to make my life on my own, I didn’t have much money. I had to save for any little 

So, as I was whining about the state of my hair, my best friend and I came up with a foolproof plan. She would help me color my hair while we watched the Academy Awards and had a glass or 2 of wine.

Now, my friend is a gorgeous brunette who has long covered her greys, matching a blonde is not as easy a task but we were sure it would all work out. My only doubt came when her aunt and her mother, both blondes themselves, got wind of our plans. The look on their faces (horror) gave me a minute of doubt but I was convinced that I’d found a genius way to save money.

So, the big day comes, my box of blonde in my purse and I head to my bestie’s house. We had a quick glass of wine, turned on the Pre Show to see all of the dresses and got to work. We followed the directions perfectly, used a timer to make sure we didn’t lose track of time and we were so excited when it came time to rinse.

Only, it was awful. My hair had turned a strange blondish orange color. And worse, a weird stripe showed just above my forehead. Not a stripe that you are probably thinking where a small batch of hair somehow got missed, no, a stripe across my head. Like the hair was discolored across all of the strands of hair in exactly the same spot. I still to this day have no idea how that was even possible.

Thankfully I am able to take these moments and see the funny side, a couple of glasses of wine also helped!

But, it was really bad. I rocked the look as best I could while I saved money to go to a real hairstylist. But when I look back and think about how much I spent on products trying to improve the situation, I could have gone to the hairstylist much sooner.

Moral of the disaster - I learned at that moment that you really do get what you pay for. Beauty products that cost less generally do not perform as well as others that might cost a bit more.

For example, there are a lot of scrubs on the market that might cost less than mine. I can assure you I have tried most of them. My scrubs are 100% natural without any artificial perfumes or dyes. I have tried coffee scrubs that, while on the packaging promise an all natural product, once opened have a strong artificial aroma that made me feel nauseous. Or scrubs that scratch my skin leaving it red and raw. At the end of the day the scrub with the strong smell I had to throw away (money wasted) and the scrub that left my skin irritated required so much after care that I spent at least double adding lotions and creams to my skin after using it.

I am convinced that there are too many different types of beauty products on the market. I believe in going back in time - to use fewer products with fewer ingredients. I believe it’s time to get back to simple, consistent skin care.

It’s important to find the products that work for you - all you need is a cleanser, toner, face cream and Clean Beauty Swiss scrubs.

Conclusion

As I began creating my scrubs, there were so many disasters. I knew exactly what I wanted - a fast and easy to use scrub that left skin soft and hydrated. I knew I wanted to create a product that would be safe for pregnant women, breastfeeding moms and anyone that has the risk of little hands getting into their beauty products.

My scrubs went through SO MANY tests and changes and updates. It took me 3 years to find the right formulation that allowed me to avoid having to use artificial preservatives.

I have tested each and every formulation over the course of years. I personally guarantee each scrub and am proud to offer a vegan, paraben free, natural product that still leaves you feeling pampered.

Until next time my dear friend, as always sending you love and light,

Kate xoxox

Are you a busy mom trying to get back into a beauty routine that makes you feel beautiful? I understand the struggle. I have created a community of busy moms just like you. Join the Clean Beauty Swiss newsletter to get 10% off of your first order and to get gentle reminders right into your inbox about how important it is to find time for yourself. Because I believe that when you feel beautiful, everything changes.